khone se darti hun mai

"badal pe chalti hun mai..

ghirti sambhalti hun mai..

khwashiyen krti hun mai...

khone se darti hun mai.."

My friend once told me, "you have a habit of thinking & introspecting a lot" … well I guess there’s no harm in exploring, reasoning & examining ones own thoughts & feelings & according to me relationships are certainly one of the most complex things one has to deal with… & dealing with friendships is surely one of them… though I am really lucky to have some of the superb people around me, who’ve accepted me the way I am , have always been there when I needed them & most notably have tolerated my doldrums and rigorous mood swings…

Inspite of this I still feel insecure & find it difficult to deal with certain things at times…

The kind of person I am, I have always had very few close friends. Yes, I admit I am very reluctant to make new friends easily... & I think trust has a lot to do with that. I cannot trust people easily but the ones I gel along with nicely should consider themselves really lucky ‘coz I’ll always bat for them no matter what… I know I don’t express it too often, but I love you all my buddies & can’t imagine a life without any one of you. You all mean my world to me…I guess when you are so closely attached to someone; you would obviously want those feelings to be reciprocated in ditto & that’s where it all starts… expectations always hurt… this surely doesn’t mean I question their friendship but, I think it’s my obsession or my over protective & possessive nature that lands me into trouble most of the times. i fear losing them & I tend to get anxious about so many things that it actually makes me uncomfortable & starts troubling me & forces me to think if it is wrong to associate so intimately with your friends that if sometimes they aren’t there you start feeling apprehensive, concerned & even disturbed at times… and the worst part is that in spite of knowing that it’ll spoil & ruin the relationship you still can’t get over it.

I read it somewhere that “getting over attached to anything would lead to sadness, unhappiness and misery”… I don’t know if it stands true or not but have been a victim of this many a times… & believe me it feels like hell…

this question often haunts my mind,”‘ Is being over protective & possessive really so bad?" Well... I don’t think so… as far as I believe, being possessive for our friend’s just means that we love them so enormously & it is unquestionably not bad to care for someone so immensely…is it ?

But yes, if not controlled it may worsen the matters sometimes… (Actually many times in my case)

Someone has rightly said, “Friendship is like water contained in our hand, As long as you keep your hand gently open, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.

For someone like me, to practice this is like a mission…

Here I am also reminded of the famous saying of Richard Bach, “if you love someone set it free, if it comes back it is yours, if not, it never was…”

I guess the only solution to this hitch is to simply accept things as they are & move on… but its not so easy to move on… what disturbs me max is even if I want to, I can’t avoid these extreme feelings from entering my brain… but i know, with such wonderful friends around, I’ll surely get over it one day…

If anyone of you has a better solution to my problem, you are most welcome… will be waiting for your replies…

p.s : take love & multiply it by infinity,

then take it to the depths of forever & still then only can you see a glimpse of how much i love my friends... :)